| Following a Crisis Coping With Loss |
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| The Nature of Trauma Reactions to Trauma How We May Be Affected What Helps Healing How to Help a Friend |
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Following a Crisis
Unfortunately, tragic events occur on college campuses. These events often leave many students, faculty, staff, and members of the college or university community severely traumatized. When this happens, providing some time in a class setting for emotional debriefing can significantly aid and accelerate the healing process. The following guide to emotional debriefing in class was adapted from a similar guide written for the faculty at Texas A&M University following the Bonfire tragedy in November 1999. This guide was kindly shared by Professor Stan Carpenter from the Educational Administration Department at Texas A&M.
Provide time during class to discuss the incident and the students’ feelings about it. The students should be encouraged to express feelings in a supportive atmosphere as soon as possible. The professor might say,
“ I’m still (sad, shaken, upset) by the tragedy that happened on campus on Thursday. I’m glad to be with all of you again. How are each of you (feeling, doing, coping) with this?"
Give the students 30 seconds to a minute to say something. They may need a little time to get the courage to speak. If students do not speak, remind them of your office hours, your e-mail address, and/or your willingness to meet one-on-one. Emphasize that talking about the trauma is a good and healing thing to do. If you share some of your feelings, it will encourage them to talk. The minor loss of instructional time will be insignificant because if they are having serious emotional reactions their learning will be compromised.
It is also important to let them know that when events like this occur; our Counseling Center makes special arrangements to provide support to students who are affected by the situation. If they would like help or support, they should contact that Center as soon as possible.
Remember that everyone’s story is valid. Not everyone has to speak.
Emotional debriefing is not about establishing facts of the incident. It is about expression of feelings. Whatever students say can be answered with:
“It must be terrible to think about that.” Or “It must hurt a lot to remember it that way.”
If you are able to identify students who are most upset, a referral to the Counseling Center would be helpful. When speaking to students try to do so in a calm relaxed way and don’t worry if you cry in front of them. That’s okay. When the students finish talking, you can offer them a moment of silence. Suggest that they close their eyes and breathe slowly and deeply three or four times. If you are worried about a particular student, approach her/him privately. If you are concerned about your own reactions to the situation, consider seeking help. Give us a call and we can chat with you about whether you should think about seeking help.
Some students who have had close involvement with the crisis may have very vivid perceptions regarding the sights, sounds, smells, and tastes of the event. It’s not uncommon for them to feel something is wrong with them because the memories of these sensory perceptions are so strong. You can reassure them that such feelings are not uncommon after a tragedy. You might ask:
“Others have reported similar perceptions and thoughts after such a tragedy.” Or, “It must have been so upsetting to (see, hear, feel, smell, taste) that.”
Some students feel very guilty. They may have been close enough to the situation or victims that they believe there is something they should have done to prevent the tragedy or harm to some of the victims. They may believe that they should have been there to help some of the victims. To address this, you might say:
“After a tragedy, people often second guess themselves, and they are not sure they did everything they could. That’s a natural feeling of wanting to help others. It does not reflect what was really possible.”
A future orientation is helpful. You might ask:
“What are you worried about right now?”
When they speak about future concerns, you might be able to alleviate some of their worries with facts or other ideas and thoughts. Giving students a chance to share their worries reduces anxiety. You can say,
“It’s really too early to know all the facts about what is going to happen. But you help yourself to deal with this tragedy. Many people find that talking with others, spending time with family, connecting with ministers, rabbis, or priests can hasten the healing process.”
After class, if students come to your office to speak in private, remember they are looking for someone who will validate their grief, not talk them out of it. Sitting quietly with them and letting them talk may be all that is needed. Share your own feelings about the tragedy. You might even tell them about other losses you’ve experienced if you’re comfortable with that. If you do talk about past losses, it is helpful to end by saying that for you there was a gradual improvement in hopefulness and mood as time passed. You can simply say that you hope they have the same experience of healing.
These suggestions were adapted from: Poland, S., & McCormick, J. S. (1999), Coping with a crisis: A resources for schools, parents, and communities. Longmont, CO: Sopris West.
Coping With Loss
In the course of our lifetime, each of us develops relationships with others which take on special meaning to us. They may be parents, other family members, friends, teachers, even our pets. These are the people who in a variety of ways through nurturing and challenging us help us become who we are. Over the course of our life, each of us also experiences the death of someone we love. Whether this loss occurs as a result of illness, accident, or other trauma, we are left with a mixture of thoughts and feelings. We deeply sense their absence. The following suggestions are offered to assist us in understanding the constructive process of grief and the importance of remembering our loved one.
Grief is a natural and universal experience. Each of us, however, experiences loss in ways which are characteristic to our upbringing and personalities. While common elements exist in the bereavement process, there are no fixed formulas or schedules to which we must conform. Accepting yourself is an important step toward a healthy grief process.
Following the loss of a loved one, a range of emotions may be experienced. These feelings include sadness, fear, despair, confusion, anger, guilt, and even a sense of numbness. These emotions may be felt in varying degrees of intensity and over differing periods of time. Our daily living patterns may trigger memories of our loss and associated feelings. Family celebrations, holidays, favorite places, songs, and experiences which were formerly shared with the loved one may remind us of our suffering. In the midst of our grieving, it is normal for us to wonder if our sorrow will ever subside. In time the memories of our loved one will remain, but the intensity of our strongest emotions is moderated. Even so, it is important to remember that over the years we do not forget the person. It may be helpful to think of your bereavement as a cycle in which periodically you are reminded of the loss and associated feelings.
Following the death of a significant other, a person may feel quite different. You may be physically fatigued, have difficulty with your usual sleep pattern, experience an inability to concentrate for long periods, and lose some of your normal appetite. You may also find that your interest in work, social activities, and being with others diminishes somewhat. Activities and people you usually enjoy may seem to hold less attraction. During this period, some persons increase their involvement in work related and social activities in order to preoccupy their mind and energy and avoid some of the uncomfortable feelings associated with loss.
Constructing a Hopeful Future
Be kind to yourself
Try to establish reasonable expectations about your ability and energy to meet current responsibilities. Guard against taking on new projects too soon. Remember that bereavement with its differing levels of intensity is a natural and essential process for remembering the loved one.
Create ways of remembering your loved one
Rituals can help us recall the positive dimensions of our relationship and connect us with community. Activities like journal writing, meditation, prayer, walking, singing, and visiting places formerly shared with the loved one can be creative outlets for your thoughts and feelings. They may also help remind us of the value of life itself.
Center yourself spiritually
Remind yourself of goals you have set for yourself. Remember the ways your loved one contributed to helping you develop and achieve your potentials. Imagine a future purpose for yourself and ways you wish to contribute to others. Seek to remind yourself in a variety of ways that your life has meaning. If you practice a religion, utilize its symbols, activities, and community to comfort and provide perspective.
Envision a hopeful future
Share your thoughts and feelings with others. Allow them to be with you during this very important part of life. Try to remain physically active and sensitive to the beauty of life around you. Imagine there can be meaning to your future. Envision the love you felt for the person you lost will survive as a foundation for a creative future.
Being Helpful to Another During a Time of Grief
Communicate your concern for the other person...Initiate conversation, listen, and be willing to talk about the loss
Be available ...Let the person know that you are available, if needed
Avoid making judgments about how a person should
be feeling during their grief
...People express their thoughts and emotions in a variety of ways, with
differing levels of intensity and frequency
Acknowledge the difficulties in having easy
answers to the hard questions about life and death
...Affirm the appropriateness of questions and encourage conversation
Remember the importance of anniversaries,
celebrations, and activities in which the loved
one formally participated...Be sensitive to the memories special occasions and
activities hold for the person
...Be mindful of the importance in various types of relationships, e.g., friend, class mate, family member, neighbor, colleague, partner, or intimate
Be sensitive to the cyclic nature of grief...Be patient. Remember that grief can
appear to come and go for no apparent reason. There is no fixed time in which
the bereavement process is to be over
Adapted from: University of Florida Counseling Center 301 Peabody Hall, Gainesville FL 32611 (352) 392-1575 © 2003
The Nature of Trauma
Reactions to Trauma
How We May Be Affected
What Helps Healing
There are ways to help the healing process. While there is not a cure for human suffering, over time healing can occur when attention is given to the needs of the whole person.
How to Help a Friend